you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
