remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
