Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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