I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
