You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
