my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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