Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
