uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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