Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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