I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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