this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
