babies were throwing up all over the place
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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