So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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