Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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