His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
