____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
