She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
