I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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