all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That accounts for only three of the penises
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
