we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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