we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
