I wish my penis had an off switch
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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