we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
