Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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