Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
