He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
