Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
