He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
