I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
