apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It's just like the Real World with babies
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
