decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
