where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
4 words: hood of his car
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
