She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Fuck appropriateness.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
