So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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