Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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