He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
