how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
