went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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