She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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