Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
