Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
