those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
