Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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