Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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