we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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