I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
