How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
