I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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