You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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