just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
birth control should be required to get into college
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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