I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize