thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
