i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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