someone threw a dead crab at me
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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