I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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