i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
