Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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