pop tarts are not kleenex
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
