he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
