There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
