Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So much rum. So many feels.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
