Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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