What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
