I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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