I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
