fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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