I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
