thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
