He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
