Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
