In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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