I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think my moral compass just broke
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
